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I’ve been exploring the concept of boundaries lately and what has been coming up for me has been absolutely frustrating and liberating all at once.

Most of my life I have been resistant to boundaries. Those who know me well know that I hate being told what to do, and I hate the word no.

I’ve had glimpses over the last 2 years to start exploring my relationship with boundaries and I’ve dipped my toes in a bit through Lacy Phillips work in To Be Magnetic via her Boundaries workshop.

Start - stop - start - stop. That was my pattern in the workshop. I couldn’t bring myself to finish it and I just put it down in favor of exploring other things.

Now my spirit has guided me to look at boundaries again. I have this intuitive knowing that re-defining my relationship with boundaries is the path to my next uplevel. Let me tell you a story to show you how this showed up for me in my life.

I was feeling frustrated because I was previously in a state of pure clarity in knowing who I am. I just came out of a season of building a beautiful morning routine around my authentic code and I felt aligned and excited on a daily basis. Then the feeling of resistance came into my being in full force as I was diving into healthy eating habits.

I’ve been reading The Beauty Detox Solution and instead of hearing how this information would cleanse me and give me more energy, my brain only heard the message of a list of foods I can’t eat. My inner teenager was putting her foot down and she was NOT happy with the “rules” this book was suggesting. And in my resistance to the ‘no’, I went into old habits again in the form of binge eating chips before dinner, every day. I was going through 2 bags a week by myself! This was not authentic living to me and I had to get to the root of what was going on. Why was this so hard for me?

As I lay in my morning meditation I had a profound experience that I feel called to share.

I asked myself why I hate being told ‘no’ and memories flooded in of all the times in childhood where before I would even finish asking for something… I would be cut off with an emphatic NO.

Sometimes as a joke, sometimes for real. I recall screaming matches as a teenager over being told what to wear, what to eat, what to listen to, how to interact with my sister, who to be friends with. It all felt like I was being controlled and my sense of freedom and individuality was being stripped away. Have you ever felt like this?

And through the knowledge I’ve gleaned through my search for wellbeing I’ve learned that healing these core wounds, embracing the pain is the way to peace and ease.

I allowed myself to feel into these memories and with a guided meditation leading me through my subconscious, the anger and resentment I felt transformed into understanding and compassion. I recognized that my dad just wanted to do right by me and he did the best he could. It wasn’t his fault back then, and it certainly wasn’t his fault that I couldn’t put down the bag of chips at night right now. After this healed memory faded away, I was left with this vision….

A crusted black box in the shape of the word ‘no’ was before me in the dark. I felt fearful of it. With the courage afforded me by my highest Self I walked up to the box and I opened it. Snakes slithered out and I felt even more fear. However, I didn’t run from it. I let the fear wash over me and just watched the snakes slither by. Noticing, feeling, but not judging.

Inside that ‘NO’ box was a smaller gold box. When I opened it, a spirit guide flew out. A small creature that was a mix between a phoenix bird and a hummingbird. I opened my mouth and she flew inside, cleansing me in beautiful gold light. I opened my mouth and she flew back out to sit on my shoulder. I felt a simple peace flood into me.

I tell this story to illustrate an important concept that I’ve learned through my work with The Gene Keys.

Every shadow contains a gift.

When I took the time to become aware of my resistance, and then spend time in meditation, I was able to travel into my subconscious and transform my whole viewpoint. I forgave the past, I confronted my fears, and unlocked a special gift.

I am still exploring what that gift is. I’m in the process right now but I’ll keep you posted on what I learn along the way so that you too can confront your shadow and unlock your gifts.

Now I approach food with calm and joy.

I have gratitude for the food choices I make daily. My inner teenager isn’t triggered by the incredible suggestions in the book I’m reading. I have joy in my heart when I eat for ongoing digestive cleansing in the spirit of caring for my physical body. The resistance is gone.

The takeaway from this story is to become aware of your resistance.

The next time you feel resistance, follow these 4 steps:

Step 1: Journal around these questions:

1. What part of me is being activated and why?
2. What core wound is being triggered?
3. What is being asked to be healed?
4. Is there a boundary that is being impeded on? Does a new boundary need to be set around this?
5. How is this resistance impacting my life?
6. Am I acting authentically? If not, what needs to change?

Step 2: Put on some binaural beats and meditate for anywhere between 10-30 minutes. Let your subconscious lead you through a journey to heal.

Step 3: Write down anything you need to, including any new positive beliefs formed from your subconscious work.

Step 4: Put this new attitude into action. Revisit the thing you were resisting and observe any changes.

And I’ll leave you with this:

Boundaries do not impede on freedom. Boundaries create more freedom. And ‘no’ is a magnetic word.