I’ve been contemplating this idea of needing to know lately....

When did it become a MUST to always have it all figured out? Was it within the school system?

The innocent wonderings of “what do you want to be when you grow up?” that were manifested in kindergarten drawings of ballerinas, princesses, and presidents became serious questions in high school via college applications.

Then college comes around and they still ask us “what do you want to be when you grow up?”

I’ve followed many roads in my life trying to answer this question.

And now as a 30 year-old, the question has morphed into "what is the purpose for my life?"

Something I’ve come to the realization of as of late is that by chasing my purpose, I’m missing what’s right in front of me.

What if purpose wasn’t something to be chased but something that just glided towards us. Something that has always been there. And it is when we finally stop searching that all of a sudden we see it.

Perhaps it isn’t as grand as we thought it was supposed to be.

Maybe it might even feel a bit boring.

But what’s wrong with that?

The shadow side of dreaming big is worry.

When you constantly have your eyes set in the future about this dream life you want, thoughts can pop up like "but how am I supposed to get there?” and when you feel like you don't have the answer, you play with the endless possibilities as they go round and round in your head until you are so dizzy and tired that you don't want to take any action at all. It can feel overwhelming.

What if you’re not supposed to know the ‘how’?

Lately as I’ve been yearning for a big change in my life, and I’ve felt bogged down by the worry of the how to make this change happen.

I've searched for it in courses and books. It feels like the more I digest from others about their processes, the more confused I get about how to do it and the more frustrated I become by not having the answer.

I recently had a Gene Keys reading.

If you’re unfamiliar with the Gene Keys it is a beautiful text transmitted by Richard Rudd that describes 64 ways of being that are encoded in our DNA.

It is a language of light that helps humanity see the shadow - gift - and highest frequency (siddhi) of this human experience both individually and collectively. Think Human Design combined with Astrology and the Chinese I Ching.

In my study of the Gene Keys, including the reading I received - it was mirrored back to me that I’m doing too much!

And I received some great insights that I will continue to reflect back to you as I write this.

My business coach once told me that the simple act of reaching for a feather pushes it farther away from you. To receive the feather, you must place yourself underneath it and let it come to you.

I think of our manifestation lists and big dreams like this. The more we chase, the farther away they seem to be. And I’ve had to learn this lesson over and over and over again. As my dear friend Raj Shah points out in a collection of ancient rules for being human:

I forget that I’m not supposed to chase my manifestation list A LOT. And that is life. We forget. I hope this post helps remind you to stop worrying about the future so much as writing these words reminds me, too.

What is the antidote for the worry, anxiety, and frustration that comes along with chasing a dream? It’s not take the next course, read the next book, try harder.

Perhaps the antidote is to not try at all. And to simply be yourself. The simple act of being yourself allows the work to flow out of you and you just do it - without the effort of “trying”.

This is the way. And it doesn’t mean never learn anything new. But perhaps it can mean that there can be less rigidity in your approach to manifesting your dream human experience and you can use curiosity when you approach a new teaching vs. doing it because you feel that you “lack” something and want the knowledge from the course or book to fill that “gap” for you.

What does this look like for me?

A perfect example is my workout and eating routine. There is no rigidity to it. I know exercise makes me feel good, so I just do it. It doesn’t look the same every day. It’s not meticulously planned out and tracked. I’m not measuring my food or counting macros.

Some days I’m in the gym hitting it hard, some days I’m just enjoying a walk in the sun with my dog.

The point is that there is no pressure. There’s no end goal.

The end goal is the simple act of doing it and how it makes me feel in the moment and afterwards.

How silly it is that I thought tomorrow was promised.

So why all the meticulous planning for something that may or may not happen?

What if it was as easy as doing what feels good for our souls now.

You can apply this to anything in your life. You just have to stop putting so much pressure on yourself to be any better, any different, anything else but what you are. Lean into the joy of the current experience, whatever it might be. You will attract more of the good feeling things in your life, this way.

And when it does require some discipline, you can remember why you’re doing it in the first place.

Because it feels good NOW.

Human brains are not wired very well for far away future rewards. It’s why we cave in to short-term pleasure so often.

So the trick is to be ruled by the pleasures of our higher frequencies and not the pleasure seeking of our lower frequency shadows.

As James Clear points out in Atomic Habits, our nervous systems work on an instant reward system:

Cue > Craving > Response > Reward

In order to add some discipline to something like your workout and eating routine or your business strategy - just remind yourself what the short-term reward is for it.

For me, at this current point in time, I think my short-term reward is to relish in how beautiful life is and the joy in helping another human realize that, too. For me, life is all about love.

Feeling love is my short-term goal. But maybe that will change tomorrow. Who knows!

How about we stop making ourselves miserable in the short term for the sake of a long term gain, and instead lean into an easier, effortless way.

If I followed this principle more often, maybe I’d stop saying yes to things out of obligation or to look good and I’d stop feeling so stressed and busy all the time. Wouldn’t that be nice?

This type of thinking requires a level of trust.

Trust that by following the easy and joyous path, we will be okay no matter what happens.

We’ve been conditioned that the only way to get what you want is to push and push and push relentlessly until it becomes your reality.

I agree with the idea to never give up on your dreams.

But I don’t see why we have to bulldoze our way into it.

I already witness what happens when I ignore my current reality because the blinders are on to achieve this far away goal.

I overwork

I ignore my family & friends

I stress myself out

The days go by in a rush

and I’m wondering what the heck it’s all for.

If this is you, take this as your sign to change course.

To let go of the million and one ways you distract yourself with other people’s methods. To shed what you’ve gathered - titles, responsibilities, the stuff; shed all the things you use to justify why you're worthy and valuable and leave room for your genius to blossom, naturally.

You have a gift. It’s inside of you just waiting to be creatively released into the world.

The truth is everyone has access to their highest frequencies. If you just tune in to your heart, and stop listening to the noise of the external world trying to tell you what to do, you will begin to find it.

I certainly am getting the glimpses.

I see it in how easy my physical health has become to maintain. And I’m opening myself up to let the magic work in other areas of my life too.

So - what do you want to be when you grow up, they ask?

Now, I say I just want to be myself.